Stupid Jokes

I was sitting in traffic the other day.  Probably why I got run over.

• Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
• What's red and shaped like a bucket?A blue bucket painted red.
• What don't ants get sick? They have anty-bodies.
• What do you call a fish with no eye? Fssshh.
• Why do you smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.
• When is your door not actually a door? When it's actually ajar.
• My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
• What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.
• What's green, fuzzy, and would hurt if it fell on you out of a tree? A pool table.
• A communist joke isn't funny unless everyone gets it.
• What did one dish say to the other? Dinner is on me!
• What does a house wear? Address!
• Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
• Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
• What do you call someone who immigrated to Sweden?Artificial Swedener.
• Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow? It's making headlines.
• What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Bob.
• What do you call a man who can't stand? Neil.
• What's the dumbest animal in the jungle? A polar bear!
• I'm thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it's only holding me back.
• Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
• I'm terrified of elevators so I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.
• Have you heard of the band 923 Megabytes? Probably not, they haven't had a gig yet.
• What do you call a psychic little person who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.